Love Thy Neighbor Show Podcast By Tom Vann Dan Dennis and Colette Fehr cover art

Love Thy Neighbor Show

Love Thy Neighbor Show

By: Tom Vann Dan Dennis and Colette Fehr
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Love Thy Neighbor is a straight-talk relationship show from Tom Vann, Dan Dennis, and licensed therapist Colette J. Fehr - born the day Colette knocked on their door and they realized they were literal next-door neighbors. Together, they bring 50 years of broadcasting (Dan 30, Tom 20) and 15 years of clinical counseling (Colette), plus real-life reps: Tom's 20-year marriage, Dan's 15-year marriage, and Colette's second, thriving chapter. Expect humor, empathy, and practical advice from both sides of the wall. New episodes every Thursday, wherever you get your podcasts.2025 Hygiene & Healthy Living Personal Development Personal Success Psychology Psychology & Mental Health
Episodes
  • LTN 24 - Limited Bandwidth

    LTN 24 - Limited Bandwidth
    Mar 19 2026
    Sponsor promo for MyEternalVitality.com and Dr Powers offering $100 off hormone evaluation and blood testing Discussion of hormone replacement therapy improving energy, libido, sleep, and overall quality of life Mention of gut health testing and identifying foods that trigger inflammation Dan plans to begin a gut health regimen after recovering from hip surgery Introduction to the Love Thy Neighbor relationship show with Tom Vann, Dan Dennis, and Colette Fehr Conversation about manners and Dan's Southern upbringing expecting men to let women enter first Invitation for listeners to email relationship questions to hello@lovethyneighborshow.com Hosts promise listener submissions will remain anonymous Listener email about tension caused by a spouse frequently expressing negative daily commentary Husband describes himself as an optimistic personality who assumes everything is fine Wife framed as focusing more on frustrations and problems in everyday situations Husband feels drained and anxious hearing frequent negative comments Husband internalizes his wife's venting as problems he must solve Wife explains she wants to express feelings rather than have problems fixed Husband tracked a week of conversations and estimated 68 percent were negative Wife responds that keeping score of comments is unreasonable Listener couple has been together for 26 years Therapist explains both partners can have valid perspectives simultaneously Couples often argue about wording or evidence instead of emotional impact Explanation that negativity bias is natural in the human brain as a survival trait Advice to communicate about emotional bandwidth before venting Suggestion to ask if the other partner has space to listen first Importance of balancing one partner's need to vent with the other's mental energy Emphasis that neither partner is wrong but communication boundaries are needed Joke about rounding the negativity percentage to 69 percent for comedy Discussion of switching between problem solving mode and listening mode in conversations Turning off the urge to solve problems can reduce emotional exhaustion while listening Some people naturally internalize others' emotions more strongly than others Upbringing and family roles can influence a person's urge to fix problems Spouses sometimes look overwhelmed while waiting for venting to end Reminder that partners are not responsible for solving every emotional problem Some people process emotions externally and need to talk things out Both partners' emotional needs and limits matter in conversations Emotions can be contagious and repeated negativity can affect listeners Partners can set boundaries when they lack energy to listen Joke about hiring someone else to listen to venting like a therapist Spouses can unintentionally become each other's emotional dumping ground Listening deeply requires more emotional energy than talking Importance of balancing emotional sharing to avoid overwhelming a partner Example of business owners venting work stress to spouses Suggestion to share general stress instead of long detailed rants Partners may feel overwhelmed hearing repeated work complaints Strategy of postponing discussions until both partners have energy Empathic people may absorb others' stress strongly Mirror neuron responses can cause emotional absorption from others Therapists learn emotional boundaries to avoid carrying clients' problems home Advice to remind yourself another person's problems are not yours to carry Encouragement to communicate personal limits without guilt Setting boundaries may disappoint someone but is still healthy Failure to set boundaries can lead to codependency and resentment Difficult conversations often start when partners are tired or hungry Hangry moods can make emotional discussions worse Advice to avoid serious talks when tired, drunk, or texting Emotional conversations require tone and context that texting lacks Warning that waiting for the perfect moment can become avoidance Communication compared to ping pong where partners check timing and reschedule Relationship communication improves through repeated practice like building muscle Start practicing vulnerability with small issues first Focus on expressing personal feelings rather than attacking a partner Positive responses reinforce healthy communication habits New listener email asks what personal information should be disclosed when dating Discussion about timing and context for revealing sensitive personal information Sexually transmitted diseases must be disclosed before physical intimacy STD discussion on a first date may not be necessary unless sex is involved Serious legal issues like domestic violence should be disclosed early Major life factors like children or divorce should be shared early Honesty about personal issues builds trust and emotional safety in dating Strategy of revealing flaws early so partners can choose...
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    43 mins
  • LTN 23 - Vulnerability

    LTN 23 - Vulnerability
    Mar 12 2026
    Introduction to the Love Thy Neighbor relationship show with Dan Dennis, Tom Vann, and Colette Fehr Breaking news discussion about Britney Spears reportedly being arrested for DUI Lack of confirmed details about the Britney Spears arrest including no mugshot or BAC yet Discussion of Britney Spears conservatorship and whether it was helpful or harmful Speculation that Britney Spears may still struggle without the structure of the conservatorship Therapist warning against diagnosing celebrities based on social media clips Discussion of the mental health impact of becoming extremely famous at a young age Idea that some celebrities emotionally freeze at the age they become famous Example of Bam Margera appearing stuck in adolescent behavior Discussion of how people can remain trapped in youthful personality patterns Colette playfully challenging Tom and Dan during the show Joke that listener ratings increase when Colette pushes back on the hosts Story about feeling out of place at Colette book launch event Event attendees praising Tom and Dan for humor and vulnerability Story about a dance mom praising Dan honesty about bedroom struggles Tom reflecting on how he behaves differently as a father versus on the show Realization that humor and playfulness bond better with kids than strict discipline Comparison between drill sergeant dad and fun dad parenting styles Reference to Shaquille O Neal strict stepfather as an example of tough parenting Discussion of balancing discipline work ethic and fun in parenting Colette describing her father as both serious and fun Dan remembering his father as extremely funny and valuing those memories Emphasis on humor as a powerful bonding tool between parents and children Discussion of fathers modeling both strength and emotional openness Colette explaining vulnerability as a core principle of healthy relationships Discussion of her book The Cost of Quiet and its ideas about honesty and openness Explanation that past trauma often makes people emotionally guarded Argument that authentic communication is natural human behavior Claim that practicing vulnerability improves life satisfaction and relationships Discussion of struggling to be vulnerable with family despite doing it on the show Recognition that practicing vulnerability publicly is still meaningful progress Explanation that some people avoid vulnerability due to unsafe childhood environments Discussion of cultural expectations that men should be strong and silent Debate over the claim that women punish men for vulnerability Therapist perspective that partners usually respond positively to real vulnerability Idea that vulnerability often creates emotional closeness in relationships Explanation that humans are social herd animals wired for connection Research claim that strong relationships predict long happy lives Discussion of the paradox of wanting connection while fearing rejection Fear of judgment arguments rejection or abandonment blocking emotional openness Idea that vulnerability invites vulnerability from others Analogy comparing emotional growth to iron sharpens iron Argument that emotional armor creates distance in relationships Introduction of Shaquille O Neal comments about never opening up to women Shaq claim that vulnerability is a trap that can be used against men Discussion of Shaq belief that women weaponize men emotions during conflict Background about Shaq biological father leaving and strict stepfather raising him Discussion of generational differences in emotional communication among men Observation that older generations of men rarely talked about feelings Personal examples of families where men never discussed emotions Debate over whether emotional silence among men is typical Explanation that emotional suppression has been historically common Discussion of what opening up emotionally actually means Examples of men admitting fear sadness or insecurity Observation that some men are naturally more emotionally expressive Therapist noting many male clients share fears about vulnerability Explanation that men often hide doubts and insecurities to avoid appearing weak Common fear that vulnerability will be weaponized later in arguments Idea that past betrayal or trauma shapes vulnerability fears Example of past infidelity affecting trust in later relationships Warning against projecting past trauma onto new partners Discussion of how upbringing shapes emotional defenses Speculation that Shaq fame and life experiences reinforced emotional guardedness Humorous aside about Shaq and his former wife height difference Discussion of emotional sharing as a core function of adult partnerships Example of business partners sharing fears and stress to support each other Claim that suppressing emotions cuts people off from relationship support Therapist explanation that fear of vulnerability is central in couples therapy Explanation of limbic system...
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    42 mins
  • LTN 22 - Dan and Shana LIVE

    LTN 22 - Dan and Shana LIVE
    Mar 5 2026
    Introduction to Love Thy Neighbor relationship show with Colette Fehr Dan Dennis present and joking about liking being called Dan Dennis Story behind Dan calling Tom "T" tied to Tom's late brother Tim New segment idea interviewing listener couples about relationships on Zoom First listener couple introduced Dan and Shanna Tom jokes about grading their relationship compared to his own marriage Tom rates his 18 year marriage a C+ Debate whether long marriages automatically mean successful relationships Colette explains longevity alone does not equal relationship quality Couple interview format introduced for relationship discussions Dan and Shanna explain they met nine years ago Their relationship has been long distance between Georgia and Florida Distance due to each having teenagers still in school Plan to live in the same city after kids graduate Discussion of challenges of long distance relationships Colette shares experience with a failed long distance relationship Couple schedules visits months ahead to stay connected They see each other most weekends or every other weekend Early relationship involved meeting halfway and staying in motels Story of how they met through Twitter/X after a podcast connection Attraction built through humor and online banter before meeting Physical attraction confirmed after meeting in person Humor discussed as a strong attraction factor in relationships Dan introduces Shanna to the Tom and Dan podcast Joke about couples not sharing the same podcast interests Discussion of issues when long distance couples finally live together Example of military couples struggling after living together full time Concern that weekend relationships avoid daily stressors Colette notes strong body language and connection between the couple Warning that daily compatibility can still challenge long distance couples Example of a long distance marriage collapsing after moving together Couple explains what makes them compatible They intentionally do normal daily routines during visits Normal annoyance after several days together described as healthy Discussion of couples who stay married but live in separate houses Trend of living apart together relationships among adults Example of couples maintaining relationships while living separately Cost and logistics prevent many couples from trying the arrangement Dan shares family tension between Andrea and Maisie after crafting together Andrea uses a go to your corners rule to cool off arguments Temporary personal space helps reset emotions during conflict Relationship advice about taking timeouts during arguments Reference to couples timeout concept from Colette's book The Cost of Quiet Importance of emotional regulation before continuing arguments Couple explains how they handle conflict and hard conversations Earlier arguments were intense due to stubborn personalities Communication improved significantly over the last three years Practice of letting partners fully speak and validating feelings Emphasis on listening rather than fixing problems immediately Some conflicts require understanding rather than solutions One partner self imposes timeouts to avoid saying hurtful things Therapist explains timeouts prevent damaging statements in fights Cooling off helps people return to a calmer adult mindset Words said in anger can permanently damage relationships Conversation shifts to sexual compatibility in relationships Question about how long distance affects sexual frequency Discussion of libido expectations in long term relationships Joke about having sex soon after hip replacement surgery Anticipation increases excitement before long distance visits Fear of rejection after expecting sex during visits Discussion of pouting or silent treatment after sexual rejection Admission silent treatment was previously used after rejection Partner explains the behavior causes emotional shutdown Pressure for sex reduces desire and intimacy Mismatched libido occurs in most couples Importance of compromise with different sex drives Couple tries to meet each other's sexual needs Story about spontaneous sex in airport and airplane bathrooms Therapist observes strong chemistry between the couple Importance of maintaining sexual connection over time Advice to discuss sexual desires and fantasies openly Many people feel uncomfortable discussing sex Long term couples must adapt as attraction and libido change Hormones and emotional connection influence sexual desire Importance of communicating sexual preferences and concerns Emotional intimacy strongly affects sexual desire Dan reflects on past arguments about mismatched libido Expecting sex to happen naturally caused frustration Directly asking for intimacy can be healthier than passive anger Debate between spontaneous romance and directly asking for sex Initiating sex requires vulnerability and risk of rejection Couples often expect ...
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    44 mins
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