Dating apps make it seem like you can swipe your way to the perfect partner. But attraction isn’t something we can fully predict from profiles. It emerges through interaction. So what happens when we try to optimize something that’s inherently unpredictable? In this episode, we break down the psychology of online dating and how to approach it more effectively.

I am joined once again by Dr. Paul Eastwick, a Professor of Psychology at UC Davis, where he serves as the head of the Social-Personality Psychology program. He hosts the popular podcast Love Factually with his long-time colleague, Eli Finkel, where they analyze rom-coms and romantic dramas from the perspective of relationship science. Paul is also author of the new book Bonded by Evolution.

Some of the specific topics we explore in this episode include:

• Why might using multiple dating strategies improve your odds?
• Can AI predict attraction better than we can ourselves?
• How accurate are first impressions on dating apps?
• Is there an optimal timeline for meeting in person after matching?
• What strategies lead to healthier online dating experiences?

You can check out Paul’s website to learn more about his work.

Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.

***

Thank you to our sponsors!

Head to https://paired.com/JUSTIN and download the #1 app for couples to start maintaining your lasting love today.

If you’re looking to gain a broad understanding of human sexuality or refresh your knowledge, check out the upcoming Human Sexuality Intensive courses at the Kinsey Institute: https://kinseyinstitute.org/learning/human-sexuality-intensive.html

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Most of us think we know what we’re looking for in a partner. We have a “type,” a mental checklist, and the belief that if someone checks enough boxes, everything else will fall into place. But decades of research suggest that attraction and compatibility don’t work that way. In this episode, we’ll unpack how attraction really unfolds and why chemistry is so hard to predict.

My guest is Dr. Paul Eastwick, a Professor of Psychology at UC Davis, where he serves as the head of the Social-Personality Psychology program. He hosts the popular podcast Love Factually with his long-time colleague, Eli Finkel, where they analyze rom-coms and romantic dramas from the perspective of relationship science. Paul is also author of the new book Bonded by Evolution.

Some of the specific topics we explore in this episode include:

• What’s the link between what we say we want and who we actually fall for?
• Do we really have a “type” when it comes to romantic partners?
• Why is it so hard to predict whether two people will feel a spark?
• How can we improve our chances of finding a compatible partner?
• How much does long-term satisfaction depend on initial compatibility?

You can check out Paul’s website to learn more about his work.

Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.

***

Thank you to our sponsors!

Discover how care in every detail transforms simple routines into moments of true comfort and ease. Head to cozyearth.com and use my code JUSTIN for up to 20% off. Experience the craft behind the comfort with Cozy Earth, and make every day feel intentional.

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Humans have always been kinky, but what we fetishize and why has changed over time. In this episode, we’re revisiting the fascinating history behind some of the most common fetishes. From leather and nylon to the enduring appeal of feet, we’ll unpack how culture, technology, and history shaped these desires. We’ll also dive into the unexpected history of pornography and explore how hentai emerged as a major form of erotic storytelling.

My guest is Esmé Louise James, who is best known for her Kinky History podcast and social media series which has amassed nearly 3 million followers. Esmé is author of the book Kinky History: A Rollicking Journey Through Our Sexual Past, Present, and Future.

Some of the specific topics we explore in this episode include:

• How did leather and nylon come to be associated with sex?
• When did foot fetishes start to become popular?
• How long have humans been making porn?
• Historically, why was porn often used for political purposes?
• When did cartoon/animated porn begin to rise in popularity?

To hear more from Esmé about our kinky history, check out her previous appearances on the show in episodes 207, 208, and 343.

Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.

***

Thank you to our sponsors!

Load Boost is a supplement designed to improve the taste, volume, and overall health of your semen. If you want to elevate your sexual performance, check out Load Boost from VB Health. Visit vb.health to learn more and save 10% with code JUSTIN.

If you’re looking to gain a broad understanding of human sexuality or refresh your knowledge, check out the upcoming Human Sexuality Intensive courses at the Kinsey Institute: https://kinseyinstitute.org/learning/human-sexuality-intensive.html

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

How much do you really know about orgasms? In this episode, we answer common questions about climax and explore the concept of orgasm equity, including what it really means to close the orgasm gap. We’ll also discuss strategies for experiencing more pleasure, and whether becoming multi-orgasmic is something you can actually learn.

My guest is Dr. Candice Nicole Hargons, an award-winning Associate Professor at Emory University’s Rollins School of Public Health, where she studies sexual wellness and liberation. With over 70 published articles, Dr. Hargons has made substantial contributions to the field. Her work has also been featured widely in the popular media. Her latest book is titled Good Sex.

Some of the specific topics we explore in this episode include:

• Who’s responsible for your orgasm during partnered sex?
• What do porn and popular media get wrong about how orgasms are portrayed?
• Why do some people feel like they need to fake orgasms?
• Is it ever okay to fake an orgasm?
• Scientifically, what actually is an orgasm anyway?

Check out Candice’s website to learn more about her work.

Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.

***

Thank you to our sponsors!

Load Boost is a supplement designed to improve the taste, volume, and overall health of your semen. If you want to elevate your sexual performance, check out Load Boost from VB Health. Visit vb.health to learn more and save 10% with code JUSTIN.

Passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today.

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

When people open a relationship, they often start by asking: what are the rules? But the real key to healthy non-monogamy isn’t rules. It’s clarity about needs, desires, and expectations. In this episode, we’re talking about how to design relationship agreements that actually work.

I am joined once again by Dr. Nicole Thompson, a sex and relationship psychotherapist and host of the popular podcast, Modern Anarchy. She is the author of The Psychedelic Jealousy Guide: Crafting Secure Non-Monogamous Relationships. She is also the founder of The Pleasure Practice, where she supports individuals in crafting pleasurable sex lives and expansive non-monogamous relationships.

Some of the specific topics we explore in this episode include:

• What’s the difference between our needs and our desires?
• How can partners discuss and negotiate different desires in healthy ways?
• What kinds of things should go into a relationship agreement?
• How do you cultivate feelings of security in a non-monogamous relationship?

To learn more, check out the Modern Anarchy website.

Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.

***

Thank you to our sponsors!

Level-up your bedroom skills with Beducated. Featuring more than 150 online courses taught by the experts, Beducated brings pleasure-based sex ed directly into your bedroom. Kick off your journey by taking Beducated’s Quiz to get your personalized roadmap to sexual happiness at https://beducate.me/pd2610-lehmiller

If you’re looking to gain a broad understanding of human sexuality or refresh your knowledge, check out the upcoming Human Sexuality Intensive courses at the Kinsey Institute: https://kinseyinstitute.org/learning/human-sexuality-intensive.html

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Beginning a consensually non-monogamous relationship can trigger reactions you never saw coming. For example, the first time your partner connects with someone else, your body might react like there’s danger. So why is that? Today, we’re going to explore how to craft secure non-monogamous relationships and work skillfully with intense emotions that might arise along the way.

My guest is Dr. Nicole Thompson, a sex and relationship psychotherapist and host of the popular podcast, Modern Anarchy. She is the author of The Psychedelic Jealousy Guide: Crafting Secure Non-Monogamous Relationships. She is also the founder of The Pleasure Practice, where she supports individuals in crafting pleasurable sex lives and expansive non-monogamous relationships.

Some of the specific topics we explore in this episode include:

• In what ways is exploring non-monogamy akin to the experience of taking a psychedelic?
• How can somatic regulation help when we’re experiencing jealousy and other intense emotions?
• What factors contribute to feelings of jealousy in non-monogamous relationships?
• What does it look like to transform our relationship with jealousy?

To learn more, check out the Modern Anarchy website.

Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.

***

Thank you to our sponsors!

Discover how care in every detail transforms simple routines into moments of true comfort and ease. Head to cozyearth.com and use my code JUSTIN for up to 20% off. Experience the craft behind the comfort with Cozy Earth, and make every day feel intentional.

Passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today.

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Humans evolved for face-to-face courtship in small communities, where attraction unfolded gradually and choices were limited. Today, we’re navigating global dating markets, algorithms, AI recommendations, endless novelty, and constant rejection. So what happens when ancient mating psychology collides with modern technology?

I am joined once again by Dr. Justin Garcia, evolutionary biologist and Executive Director of the Kinsey Institute at Indiana University. He is the chief scientific advisor for Match, and author of the new book The Intimate Animal: The Science of Sex, Fidelity, And Why We Live and Die For Love.

Some of the specific topics we explore in this episode include:

• How do dating apps shape our dopamine responses and bonding tendencies?
• Could AI actually improve mate selection, or is that better left to humans?
• Are changing relationship patterns a sign of human adaptability, or something else?
• Where might the future of sex, dating, and intimacy be headed?

To learn more about Dr. Garcia, follow @drjustingarcia on the socials.

Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.

***

Thank you to our sponsors!

If you’re ready to ditch the shady stuff and choose a libido supplement that’s effective and that you can feel confident about, it’s time to check out Drive Boost. Visit vb.health and use code JUSTIN for 10% off.

If you’re looking to gain a broad understanding of human sexuality or refresh your knowledge, check out the upcoming Human Sexuality Intensive courses at the Kinsey Institute: https://kinseyinstitute.org/learning/human-sexuality-intensive.html

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Why do we fall in and out of love so quickly? Why does love feel intoxicating at first, but complicated over time? The answer may be simpler than we think: humans are animals. Our brains were shaped by ancient mating systems that developed long before dating apps and modern culture. So what does it mean to be an “intimate animal?” And how much of our love lives today are still being driven by our evolutionary past?

My guest is Dr. Justin Garcia, evolutionary biologist and Executive Director of the Kinsey Institute at Indiana University. He is the chief scientific advisor for Match, and author of the new book The Intimate Animal: The Science of Sex, Fidelity, And Why We Live and Die For Love.

Some of the specific topics we explore in this episode include:

• What makes intimacy such a defining part of our species?
• Are humans built for monogamy or non-monogamy?
• What happens inside the brain when we fall in love with someone?
• Why does navigating sex and relationships in the modern world feel so challenging?

To learn more about Dr. Garcia, follow @drjustingarcia on the socials.

Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.

***

Thank you to our sponsors!

If you’re ready to ditch the shady stuff and choose a libido supplement that’s effective and that you can feel confident about, it’s time to check out Drive Boost. Visit vb.health and use code JUSTIN for 10% off.

Passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today.

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.