You can be physically present every single day — and still miss everything that matters.

Evan Miller is a husband, father of two, and someone who's learned the hard way that showing up isn't enough — you have to actually be there. In this conversation, Tony and Evan explore the difference between attendance and presence, navigating stepfatherhood, raising kids who can handle real conversations, and how sobriety transformed Evan's relationship with his family. Evan also unpacks a jaw-dropping family origin story involving a 23andMe test, a baseball player, and a secret that stayed buried for four decades.

Key Takeaways:

1. Presence and attendance are two completely different things — and your kids know the difference.
2. Stepparenting adds layers of complexity that two-parent households don't face — respect that reality.
3. Nature plays a massive role in who your children become, regardless of your parenting environment.
4. Unwavering love and support doesn't mean accepting bad behavior — it means the two are never confused.
5. Treating your kids like capable human beings, not fragile children, builds confident, articulate adults.
6. Alcohol and other disconnectors rob you of time you can't get back — even when you're in the room.
7. Patience isn't a natural gift — it's a skill you develop, and physical exercise helps more than you think.
8. Letting kids experience failure, discomfort, and hard conversations is part of the job.
9. Your kids don't need to be shielded from the world — they need to be prepared for it.
10. The way you model ambition, activity, and a full life is one of the most powerful parenting tools you have.

If you enjoyed The Dad Manual, leave us a rating on your podcast app! If you loved it, share this episode with a Dad! Send your questions to dadmanualpodcast@gmail.com.

Connect with Tony Cooper: https://www.linkedin.com/in/thetonycooper/

What happens when a dad hits rock bottom — and chooses to rebuild himself for his kids?

Mike Knittel has lived through addiction, CPS intervention, family breakdown, and a long road to sobriety — and he's come out the other side as a father his kids actually call when they need help. In this raw and honest conversation, Mike shares the moments that broke him, the choices that rebuilt him, and the lessons every dad can take away regardless of where they are in their journey.

Key Takeaways:

• Sobriety fundamentally changed Mike's ability to be present — and presence matters more than perfection
• Kids are far more resilient than we give them credit for, but genuine apologies require open hands, not closed fists
• Self-forgiveness is the hardest work of all — and the most necessary
• Your kids don't need a perfect father. They need a real one
• Modelling vulnerability teaches your children it's safe to be vulnerable too
• Nature vs. nurture: Mike lands firmly on the side of nurture — how you show up matters
• The four pillars that supported Mike's recovery: community, faith, books, and radical honesty
• Parenting from anger never works — learning to step away is a skill worth developing
• The goal isn't just that your kids survive your parenting — it's that they choose to call you when they're hurting
• Sit on the floor. Play make-believe. Never underestimate imagination and Nerf guns.

This is one of those conversations that will stick with you — whether you're a new dad podcast listener discovering this show for the first time or a veteran father still doing the inner work.

If you enjoyed The Dad Manual, leave us a rating on your podcast app! If you loved it, share this episode with a Dad! Send your questions to dadmanualpodcast@gmail.com.

Connect with Tony Cooper: https://www.linkedin.com/in/thetonycooper/

• (00:00) - Introduction & episode preview
• (00:37) - Meet Mike Knittel
• (00:49) - Mike's blended family & grandkids
• (01:46) - Nature vs. nurture — where Mike stands
• (03:15) - Sobriety and its impact on fatherhood
• (05:30) - Victimhood, resentment & forgiving his parents
• (07:09) - What life looked like before sobriety
• (08:57) - CPS, heroin, and hitting rock bottom
• (11:25) - How Mike began repairing with his kids
• (13:30) - The open-hand apology with his daughter Madison
• (16:13) - Control, anger, and character defects in parenting
• (18:49) - Self-forgiveness: the hardest and most necessary work
• (23:14) - The books that changed his perspective
• (25:55) - Reconnecting to the inner child through grandkids
• (26:24) - What shaped Mike's ideas about fatherhood growing up
• (28:16) - The birth of his firstborn, Gabe
• (32:07) - Raising his boys as a single dad with his brother
• (34:46) - The parenting moment that changed everything with his son
• (38:26) - Cassie's influence and open communication as a skill
• (41:20) - Memorable screw-ups and what he learned
• (43:51) - Parenting from anger — and learning not to
• (47:14) - What kids absorb when you're not trying to teach them
• (49:19) - Hopes for his adult children
• (51:27) - What Mike wants his kids to remember
• (52:13) - Advice for new dads: sit on the floor, bring the Nerf guns
• (54:36) - Final words and wrap-up

Your kid isn't just testing your patience — they're revealing everything you still need to heal.

Shane Metcalf is a father who made a decision most dads never do: to do the deep inner work before the hard moments arrived. His daughter Ava is almost six, and Shane hasn't yelled at her once. Not because she's an easy kid — she's strong-willed, irrational, and negotiates like a seasoned attorney — but because Shane made an internal decision rooted in years of personal growth, therapy, and a clear-eyed look at the cycles he wanted to break.

In this conversation with host Tony Cooper, Shane opens up about growing up in a household full of verbal anger, what it took to consciously choose a different path, and how co-parenting after divorce can actually become one of the most powerful gifts you give your child. He shares the thought experiments he uses when frustration peaks, the philosophy behind gentle-but-boundaried parenting, and why roughhousing with your daughter matters just as much as with your son.

This is an honest, raw, and deeply practical conversation for any dad serious about showing up differently.

Key Takeaways:

1. The relationship you build with your child now — at 5 or 6 — directly shapes the trust they'll have in you at 16 and 36.
2. Your child's triggers are a mirror for your own unhealed wounds. That's the gift, not the inconvenience.
3. Yelling doesn't work. The Inuit understood it — when you raise your voice, kids stop listening and stop trusting.
4. Breaking generational cycles is one of the greatest things a father can do. Shane's dad broke physical abuse. Shane broke verbal anger.
5. Co-parenting done right — with shared values and mutual respect — can be one of the most functional family structures available.
6. Use the "last day" thought experiment: imagine this is your final day with your child, and watch how fast the frustration dissolves.
7. The "love bank" concept applies to your relationship with your partner just as much as with your kids — make more deposits than withdrawals.
8. Seven-year cycles shape child development. The next phase (7–14) is emotional — prepare for it intentionally.
9. Nature matters, but nurture is where you have power: attachment, physical play, repair, and actually listening to big feelings.
10. Roughhouse with your kids — boys and girls. Physical play is foundational for embodiment and connection.

If you enjoyed The Dad Manual, leave us a rating on your podcast app! If you loved it, share this episode with a Dad! Send your questions to dadmanualpodcast@gmail.com.

Connect with Tony Cooper: https://www.linkedin.com/in/thetonycooper/

• (00:00) - Shane's opening moment of fatherhood
• (01:19) - Crushing it as a dad — Shane's honest take
• (03:06) - Building a lifelong friendship with your kid
• (04:36) - Parenting reveals your shadows
• (07:37) - Healthy masculinity vs. force and anger
• (08:53) - Revisiting childhood through your child
• (10:22) - Breaking the cycle: dental care and swimming
• (11:36) - Growing up with verbal abuse
• (12:31) - The internal decision to never yell
• (14:19) - Learning from the Inuit approach
• (16:26) - The relationship breakdown and co-parenting
• (18:22) - Rebuilding love and trust after divorce
• (20:17) - Intentional separation — a different approach
• (22:15) - The nesting model and the 2-2-5-5 schedule
• (25:19) - Relationship as a cauldron of transformation
• (28:34) - One-on-one time: co-parenting's hidden gift
• (30:14) - Loving a child into existence
• (32:18) - The "last day" thought experiment
• (35:57) - The next seven-year cycle: adding boundaries
• (39:11) - Nature vs. nurture and your child's true self
• (41:30) - Holding space while pushing comfort zones
• (43:14) - Roughhousing with girls — why it matters
• (45:35) - Kids are here to raise us
• (45:59) - Advice for new dads: worship the ground she walks on
• (47:22) - Don't let the marriage slip into sexlessness
• (48:17) - Trust the process, enjoy the ride