You can be physically present every single day — and still miss everything that matters.

Evan Miller is a husband, father of two, and someone who's learned the hard way that showing up isn't enough — you have to actually be there. In this conversation, Tony and Evan explore the difference between attendance and presence, navigating stepfatherhood, raising kids who can handle real conversations, and how sobriety transformed Evan's relationship with his family. Evan also unpacks a jaw-dropping family origin story involving a 23andMe test, a baseball player, and a secret that stayed buried for four decades.

Key Takeaways:

1. Presence and attendance are two completely different things — and your kids know the difference.
2. Stepparenting adds layers of complexity that two-parent households don't face — respect that reality.
3. Nature plays a massive role in who your children become, regardless of your parenting environment.
4. Unwavering love and support doesn't mean accepting bad behavior — it means the two are never confused.
5. Treating your kids like capable human beings, not fragile children, builds confident, articulate adults.
6. Alcohol and other disconnectors rob you of time you can't get back — even when you're in the room.
7. Patience isn't a natural gift — it's a skill you develop, and physical exercise helps more than you think.
8. Letting kids experience failure, discomfort, and hard conversations is part of the job.
9. Your kids don't need to be shielded from the world — they need to be prepared for it.
10. The way you model ambition, activity, and a full life is one of the most powerful parenting tools you have.

If you enjoyed The Dad Manual, leave us a rating on your podcast app! If you loved it, share this episode with a Dad! Send your questions to dadmanualpodcast@gmail.com.

Connect with Tony Cooper: https://www.linkedin.com/in/thetonycooper/

What happens when a dad hits rock bottom — and chooses to rebuild himself for his kids?

Mike Knittel has lived through addiction, CPS intervention, family breakdown, and a long road to sobriety — and he's come out the other side as a father his kids actually call when they need help. In this raw and honest conversation, Mike shares the moments that broke him, the choices that rebuilt him, and the lessons every dad can take away regardless of where they are in their journey.

Key Takeaways:

• Sobriety fundamentally changed Mike's ability to be present — and presence matters more than perfection
• Kids are far more resilient than we give them credit for, but genuine apologies require open hands, not closed fists
• Self-forgiveness is the hardest work of all — and the most necessary
• Your kids don't need a perfect father. They need a real one
• Modelling vulnerability teaches your children it's safe to be vulnerable too
• Nature vs. nurture: Mike lands firmly on the side of nurture — how you show up matters
• The four pillars that supported Mike's recovery: community, faith, books, and radical honesty
• Parenting from anger never works — learning to step away is a skill worth developing
• The goal isn't just that your kids survive your parenting — it's that they choose to call you when they're hurting
• Sit on the floor. Play make-believe. Never underestimate imagination and Nerf guns.

This is one of those conversations that will stick with you — whether you're a new dad podcast listener discovering this show for the first time or a veteran father still doing the inner work.

If you enjoyed The Dad Manual, leave us a rating on your podcast app! If you loved it, share this episode with a Dad! Send your questions to dadmanualpodcast@gmail.com.

Connect with Tony Cooper: https://www.linkedin.com/in/thetonycooper/

• (00:00) - Introduction & episode preview
• (00:37) - Meet Mike Knittel
• (00:49) - Mike's blended family & grandkids
• (01:46) - Nature vs. nurture — where Mike stands
• (03:15) - Sobriety and its impact on fatherhood
• (05:30) - Victimhood, resentment & forgiving his parents
• (07:09) - What life looked like before sobriety
• (08:57) - CPS, heroin, and hitting rock bottom
• (11:25) - How Mike began repairing with his kids
• (13:30) - The open-hand apology with his daughter Madison
• (16:13) - Control, anger, and character defects in parenting
• (18:49) - Self-forgiveness: the hardest and most necessary work
• (23:14) - The books that changed his perspective
• (25:55) - Reconnecting to the inner child through grandkids
• (26:24) - What shaped Mike's ideas about fatherhood growing up
• (28:16) - The birth of his firstborn, Gabe
• (32:07) - Raising his boys as a single dad with his brother
• (34:46) - The parenting moment that changed everything with his son
• (38:26) - Cassie's influence and open communication as a skill
• (41:20) - Memorable screw-ups and what he learned
• (43:51) - Parenting from anger — and learning not to
• (47:14) - What kids absorb when you're not trying to teach them
• (49:19) - Hopes for his adult children
• (51:27) - What Mike wants his kids to remember
• (52:13) - Advice for new dads: sit on the floor, bring the Nerf guns
• (54:36) - Final words and wrap-up

Your kid isn't just testing your patience — they're revealing everything you still need to heal.

Shane Metcalf is a father who made a decision most dads never do: to do the deep inner work before the hard moments arrived. His daughter Ava is almost six, and Shane hasn't yelled at her once. Not because she's an easy kid — she's strong-willed, irrational, and negotiates like a seasoned attorney — but because Shane made an internal decision rooted in years of personal growth, therapy, and a clear-eyed look at the cycles he wanted to break.

In this conversation with host Tony Cooper, Shane opens up about growing up in a household full of verbal anger, what it took to consciously choose a different path, and how co-parenting after divorce can actually become one of the most powerful gifts you give your child. He shares the thought experiments he uses when frustration peaks, the philosophy behind gentle-but-boundaried parenting, and why roughhousing with your daughter matters just as much as with your son.

This is an honest, raw, and deeply practical conversation for any dad serious about showing up differently.

Key Takeaways:

1. The relationship you build with your child now — at 5 or 6 — directly shapes the trust they'll have in you at 16 and 36.
2. Your child's triggers are a mirror for your own unhealed wounds. That's the gift, not the inconvenience.
3. Yelling doesn't work. The Inuit understood it — when you raise your voice, kids stop listening and stop trusting.
4. Breaking generational cycles is one of the greatest things a father can do. Shane's dad broke physical abuse. Shane broke verbal anger.
5. Co-parenting done right — with shared values and mutual respect — can be one of the most functional family structures available.
6. Use the "last day" thought experiment: imagine this is your final day with your child, and watch how fast the frustration dissolves.
7. The "love bank" concept applies to your relationship with your partner just as much as with your kids — make more deposits than withdrawals.
8. Seven-year cycles shape child development. The next phase (7–14) is emotional — prepare for it intentionally.
9. Nature matters, but nurture is where you have power: attachment, physical play, repair, and actually listening to big feelings.
10. Roughhouse with your kids — boys and girls. Physical play is foundational for embodiment and connection.

If you enjoyed The Dad Manual, leave us a rating on your podcast app! If you loved it, share this episode with a Dad! Send your questions to dadmanualpodcast@gmail.com.

Connect with Tony Cooper: https://www.linkedin.com/in/thetonycooper/

• (00:00) - Shane's opening moment of fatherhood
• (01:19) - Crushing it as a dad — Shane's honest take
• (03:06) - Building a lifelong friendship with your kid
• (04:36) - Parenting reveals your shadows
• (07:37) - Healthy masculinity vs. force and anger
• (08:53) - Revisiting childhood through your child
• (10:22) - Breaking the cycle: dental care and swimming
• (11:36) - Growing up with verbal abuse
• (12:31) - The internal decision to never yell
• (14:19) - Learning from the Inuit approach
• (16:26) - The relationship breakdown and co-parenting
• (18:22) - Rebuilding love and trust after divorce
• (20:17) - Intentional separation — a different approach
• (22:15) - The nesting model and the 2-2-5-5 schedule
• (25:19) - Relationship as a cauldron of transformation
• (28:34) - One-on-one time: co-parenting's hidden gift
• (30:14) - Loving a child into existence
• (32:18) - The "last day" thought experiment
• (35:57) - The next seven-year cycle: adding boundaries
• (39:11) - Nature vs. nurture and your child's true self
• (41:30) - Holding space while pushing comfort zones
• (43:14) - Roughhousing with girls — why it matters
• (45:35) - Kids are here to raise us
• (45:59) - Advice for new dads: worship the ground she walks on
• (47:22) - Don't let the marriage slip into sexlessness
• (48:17) - Trust the process, enjoy the ride

What does it look like to become a father through the windshield — not the rearview mirror?

Tony Cooper sits down with Brad Barnes, a transformational trainer and dad-to-be at 12 weeks, for a conversation unlike any other on this fatherhood podcast. Brad shares the raw, unfiltered experience of stepping into fatherhood for the second time — carrying the grief of a pregnancy loss, the wisdom of a decade of personal growth, and a fierce commitment to showing up differently. This is fatherhood in real time, not in hindsight.

Key Takeaways:

• Choosing your partner is also choosing to become a dad — and that decision carries enormous weight
• Grief from pregnancy loss doesn't fully "heal," but it can become a source of meaning and forward motion
• The gap between who you are today and who you need to be as a father is something you can close — intentionally
• At 24, Brad exploded his life overnight when he found out he was going to be a dad. At 33, nothing needed to change. That's what a decade of inner work looks like.
• Generational patterns can't all be interrupted consciously — but the tools you carry into parenthood matter more than perfection
• The ego gets tested like nowhere else in fatherhood. Brad is already feeling it during his wife's pregnancy.
• "Better than my dad" is a ceiling, not a destination. Real growth means crafting the father you are meant to be.
• Vulnerability with your partner — especially about your fears around fatherhood — can open unexpected doors
• Giving yourself permission to fall, ask for support, and be a mess is not weakness. It's the foundation of conscious parenting.
• Fatherhood is the number one course on the planet. There's no way to do it right — and no way to not fail. That's the gift.

If you enjoyed The Dad Manual, leave us a rating on your podcast app! If you loved it, share this episode with a Dad! Send your questions to dadmanualpodcast@gmail.com.

Connect with Tony Cooper: https://www.linkedin.com/in/thetonycooper/

• (00:00) - Brad's story begins
• (02:31) - Finding out they're expecting
• (04:23) - The first fear: grief from pregnancy loss
• (07:34) - The "angel baby" concept and healing
• (10:35) - Tony's own angel baby story
• (13:18) - What no one tells you about pregnancy loss
• (15:35) - The night they conceived — a vulnerable conversation
• (19:34) - Through the windshield, not the rearview mirror
• (20:23) - At 24 vs. 33: exploding your life or staying the course
• (24:51) - Financial fears and the gap from zero to two kids
• (27:05) - Brad's upbringing and relationship with his dad
• (33:29) - "Better than my dad" is a ceiling, not a destination
• (37:22) - Why interrupting every pattern is impossible — and that's OK
• (40:51) - Fatherhood is the number one course on the planet
• (44:02) - Staying present during the pregnancy
• (45:07) - Advice to himself: permission to fall
• (46:33) - The time capsule gift of documenting this journey

Tony Cooper sits down with friend and fellow dad Aaron Pava for a deeply personal conversation about the fatherhood he inherited and the father he's working to become. From growing up between a strict stepfather and a hands-off biological dad — with no clear middle way — to proudly identifying as a girl dad, Tony reflects with honesty and vulnerability on the patterns that shaped him and the practices that continue to sharpen him. This is The Dad Manual getting real about the man behind the mic.

Key Takeaways:

1. Growing up with two extreme parenting models — one overly strict, one completely hands-off — can leave you without a template for the middle way.
2. Being a girl dad carries a specific responsibility: modeling what integrity and uprightness look like for young women navigating the world.
3. Anger in parenting often has deep roots — knowing where it comes from is the first step toward managing it.
4. Men's groups that do real, honest, challenging work are one of the most powerful tools available to fathers seeking to grow.
5. The family dinner table, when it's consistent, becomes one of the most underrated rituals in a child's sense of security.
6. Kids don't always need your attention on them — watching parents work together toward something meaningful is its own powerful form of modeling.
7. Regret can be reframed: time spent building something alongside your children, even when the focus isn't on them, has lasting value.
8. Direct, vulnerable conversations with your kids about how your behavior affects them are rare and important — and often overdue.
9. Personal growth work — workshops, transformational courses, self-reflection — compounds directly into better parenting over time.
10. The patterns we inherit aren't destiny. Awareness, community, and consistent small rituals are how we write new ones.

If you enjoyed The Dad Manual, leave us a rating on your podcast app! If you loved it, share this episode with a Dad! Send your questions to dadmanualpodcast@gmail.com.

Connect with Tony Cooper: https://www.linkedin.com/in/thetonycooper/

Breaking cycles and building bonds across two families and thirty years.

Paul Crawford raised four children across two marriages and now brings grandfather wisdom to modern parenting challenges. From becoming a father at 29 while in grad school to navigating divorce, strained relationships, and ultimately reconnecting with his adult children, Paul shares raw insights about intergenerational trauma and conscious healing. This parenting podcast explores attachment theory, the critical importance of unconditional love, and how sometimes the best thing you can do for your kids is work on your relationship with your partner. Whether you're a new dad or navigating complex family dynamics, Paul's journey offers perspective on breaking bad patterns and passing on the good.

Key Takeaways:

• Intergenerational trauma works itself out through you as a parent
• The first two years establish whether children trust their caregivers
• Working on your partnership is one of the best things you can do for your kids
• Grandparenting offers a second chance to apply hard-won wisdom
• Breaking cycles requires awareness of both good and bad impulses
• Allowing kids to fail teaches resilience and problem-solving
• Reconnection with estranged children is possible through patience
• Managing emotions during conflict creates better outcomes than winning arguments
• The biological bond with grandchildren is powerful and immediate
• New fathers should embrace good impulses while staying aware of inherited trauma

If you enjoyed The Dad Manual, leave us a rating on your podcast app! If you loved it, share this episode with a Dad! Send your questions to dadmanualpodcast@gmail.com

Connect with Tony Cooper: https://www.linkedin.com/in/thetonycooper/

• (00:00) - Introduction and Paul's background
• (02:07) - Becoming a dad at 29
• (03:38) - Divorce and co-parenting challenges
• (06:12) - When his son moved back in
• (12:38) - Getting remarried and blending families
• (18:25) - Tension between old and new families
• (22:14) - Letting kids fail builds resilience
• (28:42) - Managing conflict without winning
• (34:16) - Working on your partnership first
• (38:50) - Why the first two years matter
• (42:20) - Becoming a grandfather to twins
• (46:53) - Attachment theory and unconditional love
• (52:08) - Advice for brand new fathers
• (57:01) - Breaking cycles and passing on wisdom

Parenting doesn't follow a script, and sometimes life throws you every curveball imaginable.

Danny Cooper shares his raw, honest journey of raising his child Sari while navigating his wife Emily's decade-long battle with breast cancer that began when Sari was just three months old. From aggressive chemotherapy and stem cell transplants to ultimately losing Emily when Sari was 10, Danny had to step into both parental roles while dealing with his own grief. Years later, Sari came out as transgender, transitioning from female to male at age 26. Danny opens up about the emotional complexity of celebrating his child's happiness while grieving the daughter he thought he had, and what it means to reprogram yourself as a father when your child's identity shifts. This conversation explores resilience, unconditional love, and showing up for your kids no matter what life brings.

Key Takeaways:

• How to be present for your child during a partner's terminal illness
• Balancing work demands with being there for critical family moments
• Teaching kids self-reliance while providing unwavering support
• Processing grief as a parent while keeping your child stable
• Supporting a child through gender transition as an adult
• The psychological process of accepting your child's new identity
• Creating safety and unconditional love in single parenting
• Instilling values like empathy, work ethic, and kindness through adversity
• Why being hands-on from birth matters for long-term connection
• Choosing your child over work when it truly matters

If you enjoyed The Dad Manual, leave us a rating on your podcast app! If you loved it, share this episode with a Dad! Send your questions to dadmanualpodcast@gmail.com.

Connect with Tony Cooper: https://www.linkedin.com/in/thetonycooper/

• (00:00) - - Introduction
• (01:35) - - Meeting Sari and early parenthood
• (03:45) - - Emily's breast cancer diagnosis
• (07:20) - - Aggressive treatments and survival
• (11:45) - - Being a dad during medical crisis
• (15:30) - - Emily's passing when Sari was 10
• (19:15) - - Single fatherhood and stepping up
• (23:40) - - Sari's gender transition at 26
• (27:50) - - Grieving the daughter you thought you had
• (32:10) - - Becoming a boy dad unexpectedly
• (36:25) - - Values and principles for raising kids
• (40:15) - - Hopes and dreams for Sari's future
• (43:50) - - Advice for brand new fathers

When your teenager starts reflecting your own traits back at you, parenting gets real

Michael Guidotti shares his journey raising 13-year-old Donovan, a remarkable young man who chooses family time over friends and stands firm when his character gets attacked. From sports bonding and travel adventures to navigating split households and teenage development, Michael reveals how authentic parenting means paving your own path while staying open to feedback. This fatherhood podcast explores the beautiful complexity of watching your child develop their identity while seeing yourself reflected in their choices.

Key Takeaways:

• Start becoming a parent before the baby arrives
• Kids mirror our behaviors more than we realize
• Character matters more than popularity to some teens
• Family-oriented values can emerge naturally in children
• Teenage identity development requires support, not control
• Sports create powerful bonding opportunities between fathers and sons
• Split households can still raise well-adjusted, family-focused kids
• Confidence in your parenting path is essential
• Mistakes are inevitable and valuable in the parenting journey
• Character attacks hurt deeply when integrity matters to your child

If you enjoyed The Dad Manual, leave us a rating on your podcast app! If you loved it, share this episode with a Dad! Send your questions to dadmanualpodcast@gmail.com.

Connect with Tony Cooper: https://www.linkedin.com/in/thetonycooper/