The Modern Loss Handbook

An Interactive Guide to Moving Through Grief and Building Your Resilience

By: Rebecca Soffer

Narrated by: Rebecca Soffer

Stay connected to your person, yourself, and the world around you in the aftermath of loss.

Modern Loss is all about eradicating the stigma and awkwardness around grief while also focusing on our capacity for resilience and finding meaning. In this interactive guide, Modern Loss cofounder Rebecca Soffer offers candid, practical, and witty advice for confronting a future without your person, honoring their memory, dealing with trigger days, managing your professional life, and navigating new and existing relationships. You’ll find no worn-out platitudes or empty assurances here. With prompts, creative projects, innovative rituals, therapeutic-based exercises, and more, this is the place to explore the messy, long arc of loss on your own timeline—and without judgment.

Critic reviews

“Please, dear God, let this be handed out with the crappy (or fancy!) white wines at wakes, life celebrations, shivas, and/or funerals. It could and will change lives.”—Erin Lee Carr, author of All That You Leave Behind: A Memoir and filmmaker, Britney vs. Spears

“The Modern Loss Handbook is a rare achievement: candid, funny, wise, useful. And best of all, it’s filled with tools to help us face grief without the puffy, well-meaning blah blah blah that we grievers are always hearing. Rebecca is one of us, and she writes like it.”—Michael Cruz Kayne, writer for The Late Show with Stephen Colbert and host of the A Good Cry podcast

“Like a pal who listens to you vent and makes you laugh in equal measure, The Modern Loss Handbook is comforting, thoughtful, and the perfect amount of irreverent. Each gently posed question and biting anecdote is a reminder that however shriveled by grief readers may feel, they’re not alone, and they’re going to be okay (mostly). This handbook is just what I needed when my mom died, and I’m so glad it exists now. A hundred times better than a condolence card.”—Tyler Feder, author of Dancing at the Pity Party

“This book is filled with humanity and compassion. It’s a real gift for anyone searching for practical exercises to find strength in the wake of loss and hope in the depths of grief.”—Adam Grant, #1 New York Times bestselling author of Think Again and Option B

“I can’t count how many times I’ve turned to Modern Loss in the past few years. It’s more than a book; it’s a community of people learning to live with grief. The Modern Loss Handbook puts everything Rebecca Soffer has created and incubated into one loving place.”—Laurie Kilmartin, writer for Conan and author of Dead People Suck

“This book honors each mourner’s journey with empathy, respect, candor, and compassion. Even after three decades of experience with mourners I found new ideas and approaches on nearly every page.”—Steve Leder, author of The Beauty of What Remains

“Rebecca not only has a gift for writing about loss in such a relatable and humorous way, but she has also provided an incredibly helpful resource for those finding themselves unmoored by the cruel beast that is grief. Walking back into the world after a huge loss can feel nothing short of impossible, and this book is like someone giving you a hug, then taking your hand and heading out the door with you.”—Alyssa Limperis, actress, comedian, and creator of No Bad Days

“This book is a gift, a road map, and an inspired conversation all at once. It invites creativity, inner-listening, and refreshing realness as we navigate the ‘messy ride’ of grief.”—Tembi Locke, actor, producer, and New York Times bestselling author of From Scratch

A wise and witty guide; helped me immensely

Sometimes you need a break from both pithy Instagram influencer reels and long, didactic "expert" reads. Both have ways of making you confidently feel like you're doing something wildly "wrong." And when it comes to grief, feeling like you're doing it wrong is truly NOT the feeling you need -- at least, not for me. I loved this book so much for just that reason, which didn't really surprise me because I've been a fan of Modern Loss for years.

Rebecca Soffer makes it clear at the top that in grief, we're all experts, muddling our way through something that has no set correct roadmap outside of not hurting yourself or anyone else in the process. She has a way with approaching a topic that still freaks me out even though I live with my losses every damn day and somehow making me feel more comfortable and fascinated by it...and even finding myself laughing occasionally?! A friend gave me the hardcover version, which I enjoy because of the ability to use it in any order whatsoever – lots of wonderful ideas for rituals, physical/emotional/psychological self-care (from formal therapies to DIY), and an enormously helpful section on how to know when and how to lay down boundaries and when and how to pull people in. But I bought the audiobook because I have long car commutes (it's also my only real alone time away from my young kids during the week) and found that I actually prefer it. Rebecca's voice is warm and her tone is interesting, like the keeping-it-real friend you need in an intimate space and who knows exactly when you need a well-timed dark giggle. Highly recommend!

A warm and valuable resource

I found this book to be the connection to grief work that I've needed. I lost my dad in 2022, and 2023 marks 20 years since my mother died. The stories and resources are so practical. I'll be making my way through the workbook, writing about my loved ones and exploring what they mean to me. I'll listen to this one again.