Why We Suffer and How We Heal

Using Narrative, Ritual, and Purpose to Flourish Through Life's Challenges

By: Suzan Song MD PhD

Narrated by: Suzan Song MD PhD

A psychiatrist who has dedicated her life to treating global survivors of unspeakable horrors shares the three keys to resilience that we can use to weather stress, loss, and trauma in our own lives.

“This book is a gift of empathy and lived wisdom—rare, real, and deeply human.”—Dr. Koen Sevenants, former global lead for Mental Health and Psychosocial Support in Emergencies for UNICEF’s Child Protection Area of Responsibility

In her debut book, Dr. Suzan Song draws from patient stories, humanitarian research, and her own life to help readers release their unrealistic longing for stability and open them up to a new, healthier mindset. As uncomfortable as it is, instability, Dr. Song suggests, is what ultimately invites us into transformation.

From her clinical practice in the United States to her global work over two decades with survivors of human rights violations, Dr. Song has uncovered three keys to resilience: Narrative, Ritual, and Purpose. Western therapy teaches that we heal by examining our influences, inner conflicts, and goals. This is vital work, but insight alone does not lead to lasting change.

Song has found that rituals, whether private or community-based, create the bridge from insight to change. She brought this observation back to her clinical work along with the third potent source of healing: Purpose. Whatever you're going through, these three tools can help you not only weather the winters of life but thrive through them.

Profoundly insightful and beautifully written, Why We Suffer and How We Heal offers a groundbreaking new path to deep healing and finally feeling alive again.

Critic reviews

“This is a really beautiful book. Dr. Suzan Song’s quiet warm voice carries you along even as she explores the tragedies and traumas in her own life and in the lives of others. She transcends typical self-help formulas with an experiential healing journey rooted in the body, soulfulness, and intuition. Out of her own pain, she has found meaning, joy, and love—and step by step, she helps us do the same.”—Rick Hanson, Ph.D., author of Buddha’s Brain, Hardwiring Happiness, and Resilient

“This book is a gift of empathy and lived wisdom—rare, real, and deeply human. Dr. Suzan Song’s voice is authentic and courageous; her words speak directly to the heart. Any reader of this book will come away touched, inspired, and grounded in what truly matters.”—Dr. Koen Sevenants, former global lead for Mental Health and Psychosocial Support in Emergencies for UNICEF’s Child Protection Area of Responsibility

“In Why We Suffer and How We Heal, Dr. Suzan Song brings a message of hope to individuals who feel repeatedly upended by life’s adversities. Pain and suffering are ineluctable but traumatization is not. Suffering, when it inevitably comes, points to a path for healing. We can live alongside uncer­tainty by embracing the instabilities of our daily lives rather than fleeing from them.”—James L. Griffith, MD, professor of psychiatry and behavioral sciences, George Washington University School of Medicine

“Why We Suffer and How We Heal inspires readers to make meaning of life’s struggles. Using metaphor and a rich array of case histories, the author draws on her diverse background as an academic, mother, clinician, and ex­plorer in the universal experience of suffering. She is masterful at connect­ing commonalities among those born into privilege with those subjected to some of the most horrific challenges life has to offer. And the vulnerability she brings when reflecting on her own journey makes her insights excep­tionally readable. I particularly appreciate the generous use of ‘action tools,’ which I’ve started to incorporate into my own growth. An exceptional con­tribution to the literature, akin to Frankl’s Man’s Search for Meaning, I will be sharing this widely with colleagues, friends, and family.”—Joseph C. Kolars, MD, MACP, professor of medicine, learning health sciences, and health management and policy, University of Michigan Medical School and University of Michigan School of Public Health