Showing results by narrator "Larry Jones" in All Categories

At his 70th birthday party, Mark Twain delivered this delightful retrospective of his life. He dished out sarcastic advice on how he’d made it so far, discussing diet, sleep, cigars, alcohol, and exercise, among other topics. In the end, he said, “I am seventy; seventy, and would nestle in the chimney-corner, and smoke my pipe, and read my book, and take my rest, wishing you well in all affection.” He died three years later.

When prompted to give a speech at his 67th birthday party, Mark Twain was at no loss for wit. Several notable individuals proceeded him, heaping compliments upon him, so Twain began his speech by saying, “You cannot talk on compliments; that is not a text. No modest person, and I was born one, can talk on compliments.” So instead, he proceeded to give compliments back to his notable friends who were in attendance.

Edgar Allan Poe is a master of short horror stories, and “The Cask of Amontillado” is among his finest. This woeful tale comes from a mysterious narrator seeking revenge against an acquaintance, the ironically ill-fortuned Fortunato. The narrator lures him into his family’s crypt with the promise of fine Amontillado wine, but though two go down only one returns. The ending lines will leave readers with a chill running down their spine and a thirst for more Poe.

When a Cherokee Sal dies giving birth to her son in a prospecting camp, the gold miners adopt him as their own. They name him Thomas Luck, as he seems to indicate a change in fortune for the camp. The miners start to turn their lives around in order to be a better example to the shining boy. But just as their ship seems to have come in, disaster hits, and it soon goes out again in this gripping yet tragic work of historical fiction.

"An Account of An Extraordinary Fireball Bursting at Sea" is a short, first hand account of a phenomenal event that occured in 1749. Aboard his ship Montague, the author witnessed a blue fireball on the Mediterranean Sea. Some believe it to be a first hand account of a UFO.

Mark Twain gave this speech at an event honoring Andrew Carnegie, who helped found the Simplified Spelling Board. Twain mentions how uncomfortable it is to only receive compliments when one is the guest of honor, so he critiques Carnegie’s “pestiferous” ideas about spelling reform. In doing so, he provides his own suggestions for fixing “this present silly alphabet, which I fancy was invented by a drunken thief.” This speech is a fine example of the brazen humor that made Twain himself famous.

George Washington gained a reputation for military excellence for his service in the French and Indian War. This experience, combined with his unique situation as a relative outsider, made him an obvious choice to lead the Continental Army. Washington managed to get a ragtag army into fighting form, leading them to victory against all odds. Yet he remained humble; in this acceptance speech, he said, “I am truly sensible of the high Honor done me in this Appointment.... I do not think myself equal to the Command I am honored with.”

A true tale of murder and revenge in rural Kentucky, and of the persevering spirit of James and Susan Townsend and the legacy of their family.

It may seem odd that Mark Twain delivered a 4th of July speech in London in 1907. Aside from poking fun at the American obsession with fireworks and drunken revelry, however, the brilliant Twain knew just how to tie the topic of American independence with his British audience. He recounts how the Revolutionary War was fought between Brits over a Declaration of Independence written by Brits before the United States officially formed as a nation.

Pauite leader Wovoka founded the Ghost Dance movement in the late 1880s as conditions for Native Americans became increasingly hopeless. Wovoka declared himself the messiah and spread the news that Indians were to prepare themselves for salvation through this spiritual practice. In this message, also called “The Messiah Letter”, Wovoka provides instructions for the Ghost Dance. He promises, “When the time comes there will be no more sickness and everyone will be young again.”

For the first time in history, the debt of the most powerful government on Earth, leading the world’s largest economy, has been downgraded by Standard & Poor’s to Double AA from a perfect Triple AAA. The political grandstanding of the Republicans and Democrats over the debt ceiling made many Americans and others around the world doubt our leadership. And many feel the final deal doesn’t go far enough to reduce US government spending.

Join a bestselling author and an internationally published psychologist in an entertaining look at successfully dealing with intimidating personality types. Get prepared for crucial conversations with the top seven personality types and learn how successful leaders deal with their challenges. Mastery in dealing with difficult people and tense situations is a learned skill, and through this program you will learn techniques that will allow you to easily and rapidly handle interpersonal communications issues.

Jim Bridger was a famous frontiersman in the Rockies whose legacy extended beyond the wilderness he explored. The legends of his life inspired countless Western stories, this one included.

A master of wit and wry humor on the page, Mark Twain also gained acclaim as a speaker throughout his literary career. Twain delivered this address on theoretical morality vs. practical morality to the New Vagabonds Club of London. With his signature tongue-in-cheek humor, he tells the audience that the only way to learn practical morality is by committing immoral acts in order to “vaccinate” oneself against committing them in the future. Presented with anecdotes from his childhood, this Twain speech masterfully walks the line between light-hearted humor and biting truth.

Picture the worst boss you ever had. Some or all of the following terms will probably come to mind: self-centered, liar, autocratic, has favorites, bullies, doesn't listen, dismisses your ideas, etc. Then think of the best boss you ever had. You will probably think of qualities such as the following: honest, keeps you in the loop, treats everyone the same, treats you with respect, wants your ideas on how to improve things, cares about you and your co-workers, good communicator, etc.

This audiobook features stories from life on the Jesus Road.

A handbook for new Christians following the Jesus Road.

Mark Twain was commissioned to deliver this speech before the virgin voyage of the St. Paul steamship. On the day of its scheduled departure from Philadelphia to England, however, it could not be moved. Had Twain delivered it, this is among the charming witticisms he would have shared: “I have gone over the same road so many times now that I know all the whales that belong along the route, and latterly it is an embarrassment to me to meet them, for they do not look glad to see me, but annoyed, and they seem to say: ‘Here is this old derelict again.’”

With this biting speech, Mark Twain dissects the damaging role newspapers can play in society. He argues that America’s public opinion is formed “by a horde of ignorant, self-complacent simpletons who failed at ditching and shoemaking and fetched up in journalism on their way to the poorhouse.” Twain accompanies these criticisms with personal anecdotes and tales of libel both humorous and disheartening. He concludes by saying that there are virtues to newspapers, but such remarks would not have made for such an interesting speech.

Mark Twain delivered this speech after following a toast made to “the ladies.” In it, he praises women for their contributions both large and small to history and society. “Take any type of woman”, he says, “and you shall find in it something to respect, something to admire, something to love.” From Joan of Arc to Florence Nightingale to his own mother, Twain sings the praises of incredible women everywhere.