How Can I Forgive You?

The Courage to Forgive, the Freedom Not To

By: Janis A. Spring PhD, Michael Spring - contributor

Narrated by: Xe Sands

Everyone is struggling to forgive someone: an unfaithful partner, an alcoholic parent, an ungrateful child, a terrorist. Updated for a new generation, this award-winning book provides a radical way for hurt parties to heal themselves—without forgiving, as well as a way for offenders to earn genuine forgiveness.

Until now, we've been taught that forgiveness is good for us and that good people forgive. Dr. Janis Abrahms Spring proposes a radical, life-affirming alternative that lets us overcome the corrosive effects of hate and get on with our lives—without forgiving. She also offers a powerful and unconventional model for earning genuine forgiveness—one that asks as much of the offender as it does of the hurt party.

Beautifully written and filled with insight, practical advice, and poignant case studies, this bold and healing book offers concrete step-by-step instructions that help us make peace with others and ourselves, while answering such crucial questions as these:

• How do I forgive someone who is unremorseful or dead?
• When is forgiveness cheap?
• Can I heal myself—without forgiving?

©2004 Janis Abrahms Spring, PhD.; Afterword copyright 2022 by Janis Abrahms Spring (P)2022 Tantor

The most applicable book

Many forgiveness books leave you feeling like you’re bad for not being able to forgive and move on. This book is different. It will help a lot.

is helping me forgive when I never thought possible

really specific. really well put together. so interesting. will most definitely be listening again to take notes

Exactly what I needed to hear.

Dr. Springer's views on forgiveness and mutual culpability were exactly what I needed to hear in order to start the healing process. I was desperately searching for a solution. I've read dozens of relationship books, listened to POD casts from the relationship gurus, and engages in ALANON, personal, and couples counseling. But nothing addressed the deep wounds of betrayal the way I needed until now. I feel like I have a road map to forgiveness and possible reconciliation. Facing the shame of being betrayed and wanting to stay was overwhelming my ability to start a path of forgiveness. I can see the situation better now from his side and my side. I am still hurt and broken, but after listening to this book, which I will listen to again and have shared with my spouse, I see the path and the light. Thank you.