The Narc Decoder: Understanding the Language of the Narcissist

By: Tina Swithin

Narrated by: Rebecca Roberts

Divorcing a narcissist? You are probably left feeling baffled and shaken by the communication that you receive from the narcissist. In my mid-20s, I contemplated learning multiple foreign languages. I envisioned dabbling in French to successfully make my way around Paris or Irish Gaelic to explore the rich history of Ireland along with my deep ancestral roots in that country. My day dreams about learning new languages always went hand in hand with the imagery of world travel. The thought of exploring exotic and old world places far away from home intrigued me. My mind summoned several foreign adventures, but never did I think I would need to learn a foreign language to navigate my own life.

In 2008, I heard the words, "Narcissistic Personality Disorder" (NPD) to describe my then-husband, Seth. It took a couple years for the reality of those three little words to really sink in. Looking back, the red flags had been waving in the wind since our very first date. Those flags grew taller and more vibrant in color during our marriage. As it turns out, those same red flags that had been lining my path for years were dipped in a highly flammable mixture of kerosene. I realized the danger only when they exploded near the end of my marriage. Like any unexpected explosion, I was unprepared and left nursing deep, emotional, third-degree burns. In my research, I discovered a new language which took quite a bit of studying and insight on NPD to understand.

As it turns out, the reason that I was so bewildered by Seth's communication style was that we were speaking completely different languages. I spoke the English version of "human" while he was speaking the non-human, "Narc-ish". I am convinced there is a Narc-ish dictionary or manual hidden deep in a dark, musty hole somewhere in a faraway land with step-by-step instructions on how to inflict fear, confusion and despair. From this land, narcissists hail.

©2016 Tina Swithin LLC (P)2016 Tina Swithin LLC

True experiences and heartfelt help!

Tina has been in the trenches and does an excellent job of explaining and also holding your hand as you navigate your way back towards the light!

Relatable

Great book. It's nice to gain knowledge on such a confusing subject. So many of us deal with these types of people in our lives.

Great Help

This book was a fantastic addition to Tina’s previous books. Having some real life examples on how to decode these types of e-mails and letters is invaluable.

Snap fizzle pop get a a little old. And I wish my ex narc made 1/10th as many stupid comments as hers did.

Would love to be able to have an open opportunity to question his character between his threats of control and revenge and litigation and punishment.
The concept is good. But her ex was a bit of a D.A. No drivers license, etc. would have been good to hear how to read through a narc with teeth and at least a perceived clean image and plenty of money, lies with an ongoing list of bunk evidence to seemingly back his lies up , charisma, & influence, to make whatever he threatened happen.

Soon to be single mom

This was a much needed perspective on reading and understandings all the chaos in my soon-to-be ex’s emails, texts and phone calls. It had me laughing at the absurdity of what is now my reality. It is helping through this incredibly difficult time to be one of less trauma because I now can see what is really being said in the relentless emails and communications.