Showing results by author "Simon Haynes" in All Categories

Clunk, a clapped-out robot, is convinced he's about to be junked. Instead, his penny-pinching boss is sending him off to be refurbished. Being old and wise, Clunk knows there's a catch, but at first it doesn't seem too bad. He just has to help a freelancer pick up some cargo. Unfortunately, Hal Spacejock - the freelancer - is obstinate, over-confident, and woefully under-skilled, and he's never going to let a lowly robot fly his precious ship. Is there any chance this pair of misfits can lift off, collect the cargo and deliver it in one piece?

I'm Simon Haynes, and I've been writing and publishing novels and short fiction for almost 20 years. This guide contains everything I've learned about writing a novel, both as an indie and as a trade-published author. Maybe you want to write a novel which has been on your mind for years. You don't care how long it takes, you just want to see it through to the end. Or maybe you see yourself as a career novelist - there's a real challenge - and you want to write books quickly and efficiently. I've done both, and I cover both approaches in How to Write a Novel.

Clunk, a clapped-out robot, is convinced he's about to be junked. Instead, his penny-pinching boss is sending him off to be refurbished. Being old and wise, Clunk knows there's a catch, but at first it doesn't seem too bad. He just has to help a freelancer pick up some cargo. Unfortunately, Hal Spacejock - the freelancer - is obstinate, over-confident, and woefully under-skilled, and he's never going to let a lowly robot fly his precious ship.

Dark Expanse: Surviving the Collapse is an anthology of science fiction stories set in the world of the Dark Expanse video game. It contains 18 stories from 12 authors and totals approximately 80,000 words. DARK EXPANSE: Surviving the Collapse Edited by Alex Shvartsman and William Snee Castles in the Sky by Nancy Fulda Dominoes Falling by Alex Shvartsman The Ten Suns by Ken Liu Betrayal, Clear as Kanzai Glass by Deborah Walker The Price of Escape by David Walton Hellfire Unleashed by Simon Kewin Breaking Down by Michael Haynes They Cannot Scare Me With Their Empty Spaces by Deborah Walker A...

How far would you run to escape your past? Hal and Clunk fly halfway across the galaxy, putting their earlier mishaps, disasters and angry customers behind them. It's a chance to start anew. To rebuild their reputation. To actually complete a cargo job without destroying the lot. Unfortunately, they chose the wrong planet ... The Hal Spacejock series features humorous science fiction, adventure and action. They're clean books with very occasional swearing (mild).

How far would you go to make your dreams come true? On Hal Spacejock's home planet, efficient and highly intelligent robots have taken most of the jobs. Hal's one of the lucky ones, because he works as a cargo loader at a third-rate spaceport. Lucky perhaps, but not satisfied. Because instead of loading freighters, Hal wants to fly them, exploring the galaxy in his very own ship. But how can he possibly save for a spaceship? Hal can barely make rent, and he's hanging onto his job by his fingernails. It all seems like an impossible dream, until Hal intervenes in a one-sided fight in the ...

All three books in the first Dragon and Chips trilogy in a single omnibus edition. Tasty, fire-breathing dragons. Angry sea serpents. Sea battles, land battles, assassins, and more. Get it now!

Hal and Clunk have an exciting new job. They must land their 200-ton cargo ship beside a remote, abandoned house and carry the contents to safety. Problem is, floodwaters are rising and there's very little time. Then they discover the ground isn't very stable. In fact, the landscape is about as firm as one of Hal's delivery dates. So, it's not long before Hal and Clunk aren't so much on the job... as underneath it.

A broken-down fugitive with nothing to lose, an arms dealer hiding a deadly secret and an elderly robot set to inherit a vast fortune... it's a typical cargo job for freighter pilot Hal Spacejock and his offsider, Clunk. Baker's Dough features intense rivalry, sublime double-crosses and more greed than a free buffet.

Hal Spacejock’s cargo business is going so well he’s considering getting into passengers...especially the beautiful and mysterious Sonya Polarov. Clunk's certain she's up to something, but as usual Hal won't listen to a word he says.... Meanwhile, Rex Curtis runs the galaxy’s biggest freight company, and he’s sick of independent pilots stealing his cargo jobs. He’s determined to make a statement by destroying the biggest nuisance of them all: Hal Spacejock.

England, 1871. A quiet country village is rocked by murder. Police have no leads and no clues, apart from the grisly state of the victim's body. Evidence points to a supernatural killer, but Professor Twickham is curiously reluctant to lend his assistance. Roberta, his daughter, has no such qualms, and she involves me in the case as well... only to turn around and abandon me for a sick friend. Now I must unmask the vicious killer on my own, but had I only known the truth, I'd never have got involved...

Space Station Oberon is expecting a Very Important Person, and Hal Junior has been given a choice: he must look after the VIP's snotty little kid, or miss out on a camping trip to planet Gyris. Bear in mind Hal Junior has spent his entire life aboard a space station, and he'll do anything to go camping. Well, almost anything. No homework, no chores ... and absolutely no babysitting! It turns out the kid is the least of Hal's problems, because together they uncover a terrible secret which could mean the end of the space station!

Hal Spacejock has a problem. His cargo hold is packed with expensive food, and the freezer equipment he bought from Bent Jimmy's bargain bin has just failed...exactly as Clunk predicted. Hal needs replacement parts before the cargo rots, and he's forced to abandon his precious ship at the spaceport to go looking for them. Which is a pity, because a secret agent has just decided Hal's ship will be ideal for her mission...with or without his permission.

Clunk's lost his memories. He doesn't know who he is or where he came from. And there's nowhere to get a recharge. But fear not, because Clunk is resourceful and intelligent. He won't let marauding dragons, a bloodthirsty queen, and a vengeful champion get in his way. Not even the whopping great cast of minor characters all vying to become major players. But how's Clunk going to escape this medieval madness? How's Clunk going to get home?

Ahh, the Old Kingdom. Come and pet our angry, fire-breathing dragons. Take a dip with mighty sea serpents in our lovely warm seas. Play catch-the-arrow with merry elven warriors. Drink beer* with the dwarves. For an unforgettable experience, the Old Kingdom is the ideal destination for your next holiday. Survival is optional, and highly unlikely. *Similarity to actual beer not guaranteed.

Laugh as your favourite characters spit in the face of danger...then run for the hills. Admire the verbal jousting and witty wordplay...or is it the other way round? Gasp as kings and queens lose their heads. "Enjoy" the groanworthy puns and suffer the slings and arrows of poorly-trained archers.

What happens when you're worth more dead than alive? A decorated fighter pilot is lost in combat, and his death is used to inspire waves of fresh recruits. Recruits desperately needed to fight in the long-running war. Sam Willet is one such recruit, but she's different. Different because the missing hero is her brother, and Sam has questions. Questions nobody wants asked. Questions that will probably get her killed. Raiders is a complete, standalone novel in the Secret War series. Simon Haynes has been writing fiction for over twenty years. Raiders is his twenty-third novel.

Part Man, Part Machine, All Pod. A minute by minute style review of the seminal 80s classic action movie Robocop. We dissect and talk about the various topics and themes through the movie, as well as many tangents about Star Trek and Deus Ex, and as a special bonus we compare the minute to it's 2014 remake and why it's terrible.

One man's deep dive into Steve Oedekerk's masterpiece "Kung Pow - Enter The Fist", minute by minute.

When a supply ship docks with space station Oberon, there's no hint of the crew's devious plans for the station's inhabitants. Hal Junior realizes that something is up, but he's got a reputation as a troublemaker and the adults won't listen to him. Can he defeat the bad guys with only his best mate, Stephen "Stinky" Binn, to help him? Or is the space station doomed?