The All-or-Nothing Marriage

How the Best Marriages Work

By: Eli J Finkel

Narrated by: Mark Deakins

“After years of debate and inquiry, the key to a great marriage remained shrouded in mystery. Until now...”—Carol Dweck, author of Mindset: The New Psychology of Success

Eli J. Finkel's insightful and ground-breaking investigation of marriage clearly shows that the best marriages today are better than the best marriages of earlier eras. Indeed, they are the best marriages the world has ever known. He presents his findings here for the first time in this lucid, inspiring guide to modern marital bliss.

The All-or-Nothing Marriage reverse engineers fulfilling marriages—from the “traditional” to the utterly nontraditional—and shows how any marriage can be better.

The primary function of marriage from 1620 to 1850 was food, shelter, and protection from violence; from 1850 to 1965, the purpose revolved around love and companionship. But today, a new kind of marriage has emerged, one oriented toward self-discover, self-esteem, and personal growth. Finkel combines cutting-edge scientific research with practical advice; he considers paths to better communication and responsiveness; he offers guidance on when to recalibrate our expectations; and he even introduces a set of must-try “lovehacks.”

This is a book for the newlywed to the empty nester, for those thinking about getting married or remarried, and for anyone looking for illuminating advice that will make a real difference to getting the most out of marriage today.

Includes a PDF of Supplemental Images and Graphics

Great perspective on the current state of commitment

I like the actionable bits, but I wish those parts were a little beefier. I loved his point about most people not thinking deeply on what they want out of their marriage.

Excellence resource: highly recommended

A great review of the history of marriage and how it continues to evolve in the 21st century. It is practical, well researched and I believe would help a lot of married couples meet their core needs and support their partners needs too. I ordered the paperback too.

well executed and thorough.

great conceptual models, historical reference, and narrative journey. Approaches examining a marriage from thought before emotion.

no new insights

The book solidified a lot of what i already knew, it was a good refresher

Informative, thoughtful and with a bit of humor

It was surprisingly helpful for me to have context around the history and expectations of the marriage relationship. Having only experienced the perception of marriage by way of my own upbringing, I found the author's approach enlightening, thoughtful, and genuinely helpful. I benefitted from a series of 'epiphanies' in listening to the findings of fundamental research regarding common social challenges to lifelong marriage. Of biggest help to me was the realization of how much contemporary couples can place on our spouse for personal fulfillment. Good stuff. I would never have READ this entire book, as the research recitation was sometimes tedious, but it was an easy and interesting listen.